I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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