someone threw a dead crab at me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
