One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I love you. Go after that dick
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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