Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
