just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
