I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize