she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
