he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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