What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
she was so not down for the gang bang
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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