it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
