Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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