I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
