Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
