I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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