The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the room spins SO much faster in panama
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
