i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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