honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
