So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
