I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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