Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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