Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize