If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
