sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
