Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
