forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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