Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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