Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
