Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
