i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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