I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
