I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
