If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
