just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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