Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
