I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A+ Viking dick
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
