Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
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So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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