just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
