im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize