It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
