why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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