I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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