I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
