I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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