I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
