Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
