I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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