YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
