Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
