Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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