Moan for me like Helen Keller
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
