About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
