I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
