Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
