I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
