Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
