You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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