Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
