So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
