dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
