I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
