I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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