bring money and cleavage
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
