I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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