You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
