god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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