I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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