you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
COCAINE IS GR8
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