Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
