like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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