So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
