they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
