I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
