i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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