The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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