I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
