fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
