dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
