Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
