I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
