Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
